Frozen eyes
by MoonWriting
Summary: Alex is hurt once again and in a desperate attempt to protect herself from more pain she decides to embrace the ice and become colder.
1. Chapter 1

"You can't do this, you just can't."

Those were the last words leaving Alex's lips that day in front of her. It was just a tiny little piece of everything spinning around in her head. She was angry, she was sad, she was... broken. _She's not even doing anything to me, this is not about me at all._ She kept thinking while walking down the street, eyes on the ground, no planned destination. _She just doesn't love me like I love her._ A lonely tear accompanied the words playing in her head.

A cold breeze brought her back to reality and Alex stopped her tracks to walk in a coffee shop on her right. She asked for a middle sized coffee absentmindedly and walked to a booth next to the big window. _I tried covering myself in ice many times before, my damn heart melts it every time._ Alex chuckles to herself and shakes her head looking down at her coffee. _Kara would chime in now and say something like 'Alex, it's against your nature to be cold to people, you are so kind'_ Her smile fades slowly and there is silence in her thoughts and also around her, she's absent for a few seconds, her hands warm around the coffee mug.

Then all of a sudden, her head is up and her eyes look through the window. There is determination in them. _I have to protect myself somehow. Fuck everyone else, I have to care about myself too._ She thinks. _I have to keep some of the ice at least._ Alex's eyes flicker slightly, if someone had been paying attention to them, they would have noticed the change. It was almost invisible, but it was there.

Her tears went back to where they came from and her face showed her usual expression with a hint of resolution added. While taking a sip from her coffee Alex looked around. Nobody there would have guessed the storm that had been blowing her mind a minute ago. She managed to keep some of the ice inside her, away from the melting warmth of her heart. It was the only way she found to protect herself from more pain. _And dammit if someone really wants to get some of that warmth they'll have to work their ass off, 'cause I'm not going to make a move. Period._ She concluded.

* * *

 **A tiny little something that was itching in my mind and wanted to come out :)**

 **No idea where I'd be taking this or if I'll continue... but if I do it will be Sanvers for sure!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Updating twice in a day because, why not? :) Maybe I can finish this before the year ends, who knows? I am just letting it flow, I'll see where it goes...**

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"Alex, I know you're there, you can't avoid me forever, you know?" The annoying knocks kept coming from the door along with Kara's voice.

Alex was sitting on the couch, covered with her favorite blanket holding a cup of wine in her right hand. She was looking at the liquid moving in circles hoping that her sister would just walk away. Deep down she knew Kara wouldn't do that though, and that was confirmed when she came into the apartment through the window.

"Alex, why on Earth are you acting like this?" Her tone was angry but her face showed concern. The older sister swallowed all the remaining content of her cup at once and Kara took it from her hand. Alex groaned.

"Alex, wanna talk to me?" the blonde asked softly while sitting next to her sister on the couch. The brunette shook her head without looking up. Kara gently caressed her sister's shoulder blades and that's when Alex started crying. Covering her face with her hands, she let her younger sister pull her closer to wrap both arms around her. "It's ok, Alex. It's ok, I've got you." Kara whispered soothingly.

After who knows what amount of time, Alex's breathing pace went slowly back to normal and even though there were still a few tears sliding down her cheeks, she broke the embrace and sat back up with a sigh. "So much for the new cold Alex, huh?" She mumbled to herself.

"What?" Kara asked. Alex smirked, _there's no way Kara hadn't heard what I said, she has freaking superpowers._ She thought, and didn't answer the question.

Instead, she sighed again, deeper this time, and said, "It's Lara she... she doesn't like me... like that" She was making a huge effort to stop crying but it just didn't work.

"Oh Alex..." was all Kara could say. She was also fighting the tears, seeing her sister hurt like this made her so sad. Her hand was rubbing on Alex's back again, this time more firmly and faster. Soon she composed herself and said, "I'm sorry to hear that, I know you really liked her... but Alex, being cold is not you." Alex smirked as her sister's words matched her previous thoughts. "But what happened? I thought she liked you too. Like, didn't she tell you that? Didn't you guys talk about it?"

"Yeah we did and I saw it in her eyes so, either she was lying to me and to herself or she changed her mind..." Alex's words drifted away.

Silence reigned for a few seconds until Kara composed herself and said, "Seriously Alex, you gotta jump back in!"

"Jump back in, Kara?" The brunette is looking at her sister for the first time since she got there. "I can't do that I have to stop... I have to protect myself, Kara." Her hands wouldn't stay quiet, she got up from the couch and started pacing around.

Kara took advantage of her silence to speak up, "I understand. I do, take your time. But Alex please just don't give up, ok?" Her voice was sweet and caring, and she was squeezing a cushion nervously. Maybe she wanted to get up and hug her sister again but she knew it was better like this or Alex would shut down.

The brunette sighed, again looking directly into her sister's eyes, "You know I never give up." A small smirk showed up. "I am just so tired of this." She said.

Although worried about the cold she saw in her sister's eyes, Kara was content with the answer for now. "Pizza?" She suggested trying to lighten up the mood.

* * *

Later that night, Alex was drinking a few shots in a bar she'd heard about but she'd never been to before. _Whatever, I'll go inside and drink._ She thought. Usually she wasn't like that, she never didn't enjoy going out on her own, but it didn't concern her at all right now. All she could think about was... well there were so many things in her mind so in order to avoid thinking about anything, she wanted to have some alcohol in her system. Of course she knew when to stop, she was a grown up sensible woman, but tonight... the limits could stretch a bit. _Fuck everything._ She thought before raising her hand to place a bet. The people gathering at the dark corner of the bar, the whispers and the mysterious glances told her there were illegal bets going on and probably more she didn't know. Working for the government she should never participate in any of those things but then again, the limits could stretch tonight because she, Alex Danvers the perfect sister, agent, daughter... she deserved to let go. "Yeah I bet 50 bucks, she's got it." She announced pointing at the brunette woman who was standing by the pool table holding one of the sticks. The woman flashed her a warm smile in return.


	3. Chapter 3

A distant buzz brought Alex slowly back to reality. As she woke up she started regaining consciousness of her body. It hurt. She was laying in a weird uncomfortable position, drooling, and her head was pounding. Growling she tried opening her eyes without success. Rolling on her back she managed to open one eye and reach out for her phone, the source of the buzzing she heard earlier. Time: 14.37... 12 missed calls. _Shit._ Alex closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them again she saw the first 2 calls she missed were from Jonn at the D.E.O. and then she had 7 missed calls from Kara, the last call she got only a few minutes ago was from Winn, and the other two were from a number she didn't recognize.

Looking around Alex noticed she had been sleeping on the couch; in fact it looked like she got home, walked straight to the couch and passed out there, just like that. She covered her face with both hands and chuckled as the memories from last night came back to her. She could actually remember everything... well except a few details. She didn't drink that much after all, but she did get loosened up, which lead to let go the stress, which lead to exhaustion.

The phone buzzed again on her belly, "Yeah?" Alex answered without looking at the screen. "Yeah, um hi Kara... yeah I'm fine I just passed out and-" She had to make some distance between her ear and the phone when her sister interrupted raising her voice. Of course she was angry, she must have been worried sick, and the fact that she didn't came by her apartment sooner only meant that as Supergirl she had work to do. This made Alex feel guilty, because being a hero in a dangerous situation while also being worried and concentrating on something else (such as your sister well being) could be extra dangerous even. "Kara listen, I'm sorry... Yes of course... Alright, see you there."

Once the conversation was finished Alex sat up placing her phone next to her on the couch for a moment. With the elbows on her thighs she rested her forehead in her hands. _Dammit Alex._ She thought. _So much for the frozen feelings to take over, huh? Last night in that bar... it was crazy, I placed illegal bets and..._

* * *

 ** _40 minutes later_**

"...and the woman won. There was a standing ovation, I remember because I nearly fell trying to sit back again-"

Alex's story about the previous night was interrupted by Kara's frown accompanied with "What? Alex you were there all alone, inside a weird unknown place, were you out of your mind?"

The brunette widened her eyes looking at her younger sister. It was funny how after all those years Alex took care of her, this time was the other way around. She was talking like their mother now, it almost made her laugh. She remained serious though, reckoning her sister had a point, she might have skipped some of her usual own rules last night. On the other hand, there was an inner voice that said, _But wasn't it fun?! Wasn't it distressful, adventurous, worthy? Of course it was._ Alex smirked.

"So what happened after you won the bet?" Kara asked curious.

Alex considered for a moment if she should keep telling Kara all the truth or if she should make it softer so her little sister wouldn't worry too much. She decided to trust her instincts and go on, "Well after that she came over to my table and asked, very sensually I must add, if I would share some of the victory money with her." For a moment at the end Kara saw a flash of the scared, vulnerable Alex in her sister's eyes before she looked away. "And I spent the money on a few shots... and a round of beer for everyone." Alex simply added as the whole explanation for her state that morning.

Kara sighed, looking at her sister sternly but also worried. She knew her sister was hurting and that was the reason for her unusual, extra careless behavior. She had to do something to help, she just didn't know how to do it.

Alex's phone rang and she recognized the number, it was the same number that had called her earlier when she was sleeping. "Hello?" She said answering the call. She listened for a few moments and then with a surprised face she said, "Oh! Ok thank you, I'm on my way."

"Who was it? Where are we going?" Kara asked standing up.

"They called from the bar, the man said I left my wallet there..." She felt a blush creeping up her neck and face, remembering how she threw her wallet on the table at some point, screaming it was empty (with a _woohoo)_ and earning cheers from all around her.

Alex barely listened to Kara's motherly comments and started walking. "We?" She asked, repeating her sister.

"Yes of course we! I am going with you." She answered in such an annoyed tone that made Alex shake head and smile.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hi readers, I'm sorry for the delay. I decided to continue this story till the end, but as I said in the beginning, I am just letting it go as it comes from within, so that's why I don't have a schedule for the updates.**_

 _ **I hope you like the story, I see a good amount of follows and favs already, I would like to have some more reviews to know what you're thinking. Thank you so much :)**_

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Finding the bar in daylight was a challenge. Walking in, it looked so much different that the night before. Now it was still dark and hidden, but not so packed. The atmosphere was actually chilling and the music wasn't so loud. People in the booths and at the bar were chatting and laughing casually. Alex walked towards the bar followed by Kara and motioned for the bartender to approach.

"You must be last night's entertainment" The young woman said smirking at Alex and winking. "Maggie has your wallet, she's at the pool table just around the corner." She then brought her attention to Kara, "Hey pretty, I've never seen you here before... beer?"

Alex didn't wait for Kara to finish her small talk with the bartender. Her mood was starting to become really bad, her headache was still there and she just wanted to get her wallet back and leave. So she walked round the corner and found the pool table where she recognized the woman from last night playing on her own, maybe trying some new techniques.

"Maggie?" Alex called approaching her more violently than intended.

"Danvers!" The brunette greeted looking up. Her big smile softened Alex just a little bit for almost a second.

"They called saying you have my wallet"

"Yeah I do."

Maggie didn't move, she just stood there smirking and holding her glance to Alex's, until the latter shifted uncomfortably, crossed her arms and looked away with a cough. She quickly recovered though, and asked "Can you give it to me, please?"

"Oh, sure" Maggie answered pretending she had forgotten about the wallet. She gently put the wallet in Alex's hand and added, "But um... are you in a hurry? I thought maybe we could-"

She was interrupted by Kara walking towards them and standing next to her sister.

"Hi, you must be Maggie... Um, congratulations on winning last night" Kara said reaching out to shake Maggie's hand.

"How did you get my number?" Alex asked abruptly, catching Maggie's eyes again.

"Oh, well I am in the police department. I saw your name in a card inside the wallet and just did some research" She smirked again. Kara smiled at her and looked at her sister, who was so not smiling.

"Thank you" Kara said looking at Maggie and gently elbowing Alex's ribs.

"Um yeah, thank you. This is important for me I have... important stuff here" Alex said awkwardly, pointing at her wallet.

"You're very welcome" Maggie told them both sensing the tension was leaving the room. "And you are?"

Kara realized she hadn't introduced herself, "I'm sorry, my name is Kara, I'm Alex's sister" She shook Maggie's hand again causing her to giggle sweetly.

Alex felt something. She would try denying it by all means but she did feel something. It was fleeting like a shooting star, some kind or spark trying to light up a fire, but she wasn't ready to embrace it. Alex didn't want to make space for that, for Maggie. She had to protect herself. The spark was gone just as it came.

And as the sisters said goodbye to Maggie after insisting they were late to get somewhere, Kara touched Alex's arm and noticed it was cold. Abnormally cold. She also noticed something different in her eyes, they were somehow darker, distant, still.

"Are you feeling ok, Alex?" She asked, worried.

"Yes Kara I am feeling ok. Just keep walking, we need to get to the D.E.O. before J'onn gets mad" She answered annoyed.

The sisters didn't say another word until they were inside the secret building. By the time they got there Alex was back to normal. Kara insisted on running some basic tests on her to make sure it was maybe only stress. Alex's body had normal temperature, the blood test gave a good result and a quick x-ray check performed by Kara showed everything was working well inside.

"Kara, stop worrying. I am fine, only tired and angry with the world, but those are human regulars." She embraced her sister briefly before getting to work. Kara shook her head with a small smile trying to let those words sink in.

Later that night it was hard to sleep, because every time she drifted off to sleep nightmares would wake her up. Alex was tossing and rolling in bed, angst pressing on her chest. Her dreams showed her a blurry Kara trying to wake her up, a blurry Maggie laughing adorably, J'onn running towards her and cold. So much cold.


End file.
